My Broken Church

Ive been away from my church for a while, grown up a little and now I seen things in a different way, maybe clearer, maybe more truthfully - not sure yet.

Every one is broken baby - everyone in sight
Everyone is groping honey.. in the middle of the night
--Don Chaffer

Camp GAP 2006 (Children's camp)

I've realized you cant say a word to make everything perfect -- or i just havent figured out what that word is yet.
Truly everyone is sick in someway. . . Ha, why is it always the college student comming out with all the morbid stuff? But no, Maybe Im at that age where Ive figured out Im old enough to disagree with the way things are.
I dont know if it was the way things were at the camp, or the families where these boys came from, the staff, the volunteers, or the, just, evil that always seemed to creep into situations and these innocent little kids lives. I mean how can really fully protect them from harms way. I guess thats a parents greatest regret in having children - that they have to feel the paings of the world upon their sholders.
But no, I say if you are going to do it, you got to do it, meaning if your going to raise a son who is going to love God and not be rebellious your going to have to teach them obedience. And if you hope for your son to realize his hopes and dreams and be able to pick himself up off the ground when he fails miserably then your going to have to invest your lives. You are a reflection of your children. If you want to be proud of your children then you better raise them right! If you want your children to fully experience the fullness of life you better teach them the essence of life! The kids you have are going to experience the same sin, guilt, shame, sufferings that you had until you make a stand and say 'NO! Im sick of this sin and bondage and Im not going to have it anymore!' Then only when you break that cycle of continuous repetative slavery through sin then you will have that freedom that truly comes from Christ. "For freedoms sake Christ set us free". We have the power to stop the sin from passing on down to our children if we choose put an end to it in our lives. Our children and our childrens children are going to continue to feel the sin, and fears until we defeat them. Just as sin entered through one man, it has been inherited through every generation, but we can stop that sin through another man. Its all connected, our fears will be our sons fears unless we stop fearing.
Those boys there in that cabin are the church, what those boys do and say shows the condition of our generation. How they worship, how they reason, how they judge, how they experience God shows the condition of the body of believers in our naiton. Are we, as co-heirs in Christ, not experiencing the glory, the blessings, the freedom that comes with his inheritence? Our inheritence is not Adams' but Christs'. Our youth show have the same inheritence we choose to have. Will it be freedom in Christ or will we be satisfied with what the world shows us?
This is what Ive been thinking in view of Gods mercy in this world
"So teach us to number our days aright
that we may gain a heart of wisdom"
Psalms 90:12

Wildernes Experience # 2: a few more ticks

went on my second solo camping trip, --a little shorter and a little more ticks.

My theme for the first was in 1 kings 19:9-11
WHat are you doing here? -- "I have been zealous for the Lord God Almighty"

maybe an encounter, an experince, possibly change.
I read primarially Job,

the theme for my second trip: not sure,
Wasnt exaclty sure why I went out there. Still not exaclty sure, but something my dad said the day before went something like this..

Ive been meaning to tell you this. . . in everything you do, you have to enjoy it. dont fear the outcome of circumstances. . . and in playing baseball, take every swing as if it was your last. [Dad, correct on this wording]

my response: 'yea, but thats not the easiest lesson to learn.'

so I spent my time reading some, in and around the 11 mile hike I took to get to the first campground in my CROCKS, (i think i wore off the feeling from the tips of my toes). Didnt exactly get the first campgound though, I slept in a dirt road 1 mile bf I got to the camp ground - too dark to keep going, (I saw it symbolically as the israilites waited 3 days bf the entered the promise land), then my plan was to come back to the trail head after 3 days and jump in the lake (another symbol: baptism, a new birth, crossing the jordan ect..).
But I didnt make it that long, I kept getting angry. I wanted to be w people, to stop lazying around being unproductive - last time I had a job and plans waiting back at home, this time - nothing, and I couldnt figure why the heak I was out there.
but I did get what I wanted out there, I learned a few things, one of those - repentance: sight from his sight:

so i was mad bc I figued out after id been walking 6 miles that I dont need to walk 10 miles to have an experience w God. sounds so religous. and it was similar to the experience I had studying Taiji, doing all that mystical, meditative stuff for some highter intimacy, all meaningless ritual, confusion.
but i decided to do some reading since i was already out there, on moses: only one to talk to God face to face. Read his psalms.
So I wanted REST, rest from the rituals, the confusion, the error, rest from me, rest from walking for no reason in crocks and canned tuna. REST!!
and so somthing happened, not sure what exactly. but i can sit around and not think about all the problems in the world that need to be fixed.
I think what happened was reality.

Hometown Blues

"1Jesus left there and went to his hometown, accompanied by his disciples. 2When the Sabbath came, he began to teach in the synagogue, and many who heard him were amazed.

"Where did this man get these things?" they asked. "What's this wisdom that has been given him, that he even does miracles! 3Isn't this the carpenter? Isn't this Mary's son and the brother of James, Joseph,^[a] Judas and Simon? Aren't his sisters here with us?" And they took offense at him.

4Jesus said to them, "Only in his hometown, among his relatives and in his own house is a prophet without honor." 5He could not do any miracles there, except lay his hands on a few sick people and heal them. 6And he was amazed at their lack of faith."

That verse means 2 powerfull things to me right now, and it may mean something different to you, but ill share w you one of those things to you..

What is it about going back to your hometown that sets you back? Why cant you see or do clearly? Why do people still hold things against me? Why cant we have a normal conversation and put things behind us and be who we are?
Where does doubt come from? Why is there a lack of faith, why is it harder to be as effective as you once were in a place that is most home to you? Why is it harder to apply the things you learned on your journey when you have returned home?

The Counselor; Rhizomes- horizontal roots

Where is the next level? After knowing what I know now, seeing what I have seen - where do you go to reach the next level? I have the horizontal connections, networks, and sources. But where is the teacher and master that doesnt contradict somewhere? Where is truth, and it absolute? WHat do you do when you get to the point when you believe there is nothing not possible by the power of God through you but you still yearn to really see Him for who he is? To be taught and inspired. Where is that teacher that will inspire you? Inspire you to act, experience, and demonstrate. Where is the teacher or master on this earth that will bring you to an new revelation? Theres not one, only by God will we recieve the gift of repentance, to see from his sight. Sure there are people that will show you the way who have gone through or know a deeper more intimate knowledge, but only God will take you to those people. I believe there is a story overhanging every prinicipal and power in this world, and it can be drawn upon and connected to the universal narritive that speaks to us in power, in different levels, some more intimate than others, it is the story of Jesus Christ. This story reaches to all points in time and in every way of life. In Matthew 13 we see there are things he choses to show us in the mysteries of his life and words because he choses to reveal things to some of us, some of us will be able to see and others will be shrouded. We can see if we would open our eyes.
Jesus presents his life and words as a form of art. His art is great because it is both high-art and at the same time low-art. His words, which is like poetry-the highest form of literary art-are presented in parables which speak to each individual in infinite levels of intamacy. That is why his story is so powerful. It holds that far-reaching capacity.
The story of Jesus, and all he represents occurrs everyday. Every question has its answer through Jesus. And so, the answers are out there! in people in things, the story lives in us, and I want to be one who sees. The Rhizometric way of thinking is believing everything is connected to everthing. I am trying to see where the connections are. for example:

Here is a quote I found from a frineds facebook profile, a friend, a brother. Its about Abe. It shows a man convicted and sown from a seed dropped by the Father to land on good soil can take root and grow to produce 100 fold! The story, the seed, the roots, the crop, it affects us all! Abe persevered, rejected pleasures and riches, and sought the essence of life. Abe was one who really lived the story, his life wasnt easy, but the powers at work in his life gave him the strength to eventually stand up for what was best when he became president, which inturn affects all our lives...

1832 Lost Job1832 Defeated for Legislature1833 Failed in Business1834 Elected to Legislature1835 Sweetheart died1836 Had a Nervous Breakdown1838 Defeated for Speaker1844 Defeated for Nomination to Congress1846 Elected to Congress1848 Lost Re-election1849 Rejected for Land Officer1856 Defeated for Nomination for Vice-President1858 Defeated for Senate1860 ELECTED PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES- Abraham Lincoln

Realizing My Hopes and Dreams

Its been a crazy year. But I am back, back from the beach, back from El Paso, back from China, back from school, back from an illusion. I am 21 years old and currently living in a house for this Maymester I lived in when I was a sophmore at Southwestern University, Georgetown, TX. When I went on my trip to China, I left postings on my facebook, under 'Matt Glenn' to keep in touch with family and friends. I lived life and posted what I was allowed to tell, because of time and Chinese government restrictions. I had a mission when I was in China, part of what I found myself doing was telling as many people about Jesus Christ as I could. I accumulated numerous stories of the power of God which I have not told. China was a window of complete freedom to fill where I was lacking, for me to live on the edge that I was on before. Theres something that going to another country does in your trust of God, makes you approach life with no restrictions, no limitations, in 'reackless abandonment' by the love of Jesus Christ, and my postings was my root to keep me connected. And there is also something exhausting about living on the edge. So now that I am home, I have found out that life shouldnt be that much different from how I approached life in China. I am a grown man! I shouldnt fall backwards when I return home, I should be growing in new revelations of God rather than living in what I once had or knew. Life should be a continued revelation of who God is. So what I am doing now, since I have not found suffeciency in acts or this world, I am going to fall back into the whims of Jesus and live life how I am called to, and see where I go. And maybe start posting here a few times.